Beenie Man

I am completely unqualified to write this review. If the Reggae degree-studying fraternity were to be stupid enough to invite me to a Reggae Question Time, I would be booed off stage with onlookers hurling abuse at me for being thick. I would have failed my 11 +, been kicked out of kindergarten, and be considered to know as much about Reggae as Paris Hilton does about music. Well, she does ‘listen to it everyday'.

However, I can tell you what I think, so here goes.

Beenie Man's latest offering to the smorgasbord of music's Nordic-buffet style lunch is once again our mild food poisoning.

The first track features the vaguely distinguishable ‘undisputed' and is as bad a first track on an album you ever might hear. Thank goodness, I thought, as it came to an end and ‘Chacka Dance' started. That utterance was firmly contradicted when it made me feel sick to the core.

It's quite unusual for music to make me feel sick. If anything I suppose, it's a healer. Music – the great healer. But I felt sick. Was it the music's fault? Or was it the heavy weekend just past? Well I won't point the finger firmly at Beenie Man's incessant warbling as Stockholm's appalling beer might have had something to do with it, but I will waggle my ailing finger in his direction.

By the time his duet with Akon, and later with D'Angelo kicked in, this album had completely offended the buffet diners and my now fragile stomach. Let me not take away the fact that someone with a penchant for Beenie Man's lyrics and melodies might well enjoy it. If they do I'll be very surprised, but someone might. Having said which, I'm sure there are people out there waiting for cats and dogs to fall from the sky or the world to end. There are even people out there gluing spoons to lamp posts and yelling ‘who said that' whilst wearing country casuals on their top half and leg warmers on the bottom. In short, you'd have to be nuts to buy this, but the ‘nuts' population is rising if any town centre in England is to go by, and of that population, some might mistake it for something else.