Lily Allen says she never got over losing her first baby with husband Sam Cooper.
The singer was six months pregnant when she suffered a miscarriage in 2010. According to Lily, the tragedy is something she has never come to terms with.
“It was horrendous and something I would not wish on my worst enemy,” she told UK newspaper The Sun.
“It’s something that I still haven’t dealt with. I never will get over it. I have dealt with it, you know, as being at one with it. But it’s not something that you get over. I held my child and it was really horrific and painful — one of the hardest things that can happen to a person.”
Despite the horror and heartbreak she went through, Lily managed to get through it with the help of Sam.
The British star says she was at her lowest point but credits her husband with supporting her and making her feel she still had something to live for.
“I was overwhelmed by what an incredibly unlucky thing it was to happen. But I had this man standing by my side, who I knew was going to be with me for the rest of my life,” Lily revealed. “I nearly died. But I was numb and I didn’t care. I’d just lost my baby and that is a reflection of how numb I was.”
The British star has since carried two babies successfully to term – daughters Ethel, two, and Marnie, one.
According to Lily, she hopes speaking out about her ordeal will help other women who are going through it. She also insists their unborn baby will always be part of the family.
“I just think that he’s a part of my eldest really. If he hadn’t died, it wouldn’t have physically been possible for our eldest to be alive because I got pregnant with her so quickly. We’ve got a little stone in our garden with his name on. My husband and I shared this horrible thing together but it kind of brought us closer,” Lily said.