Lily Allen thinks she gave up music because she "resented" the upbringing her mother gave her.
The 28-year-old singer launched her comeback last year after saying she was retiring in 2009 to focus on family. She now has two daughters with her husband Sam Cooper and much as she loves motherhood admits it wasn"t exactly as she thought it would be.
"My mother was 18 when she had my sister and then - unfortunately for her - married my father [actor Keith Allen] and had me and my brother. He abandoned her when I was four, so she had to work. I think, deep down, I resented her for not being there," she told British magazine Elle. "At the same time, I knew she had to do it, otherwise she wouldn"t be able to support us. In my head, I was like, "I"m not going to be like that, I"m going to be a real mom." But it"s not like that. You get there and it"s nice but..."
While Lily has taken her husband"s surname she is still known by her maiden name in many circles. It allows her to differentiate between her personal and professional life, which she likes.
"My life is a bit schizophrenic. I"m two people. I"m Lily Allen the... singer, and music person. And Lily Cooper, the wife and mother," she said.
"I hate speaking about myself in the third person, but it"s helpful here. Lily Allen has found it quite difficult and stressful trying to reconnect. And Lily Cooper is happy because she"s not sitting at home playing with toys and speaking with two human beings that can"t speak back. There was a void. I"m a creative person; I like to speak my mind. Making music is the perfect vehicle for that... I need somewhere to put my stuff."
At the time Lily took her career break she was tiring of celebrity life. She disliked the constant intrusion into her personal life and was adamant about protecting her children from the limelight. At the time she completely believed she was ready to make a drastic change.
"This was pre-phone hacking scandal, so those lines hadn"t been drawn. People just didn"t give a sh*t and there weren"t any barriers. I did feel at that time that I wanted to leave and never come back," she recalled. "I wanted to concentrate on making a family. I"ve done that. I love that. I thought I"d be better suited to that. I love my kids and I wouldn"t trade them in for anything - no mother would - but I"m not the sort of person who can sit at home and look after them all day."