16 December 2017
Newsdesk
Festive puns referring to other topical moments in 2017’s news agenda, such as Ryanair’s recent piloting problems, Brexit, The Kardashians and political blunders from world leaders including Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump, also made it into the top 20 list of gags.
TV channel Gold challenged the British public to come up with the best topical and modern Christmas cracker jokes - which were voted for by the British public – for the comedy channel’s annual festive competition, which is now in its fifth year.
The Top 20 funniest festive jokes for 2017 are revealed as:
1. Why was Theresa May sacked as Nativity Manager? She couldn't run a stable government
2. Why don't Southern Rail train guards share Advent Calendars? They want to open the doors themselves
3. What's the difference between Ryanair and Santa? Santa flies at least once a year
4. Kim Jong Un will play Santa this year in the South's annual pantomime. He said he fancied a Korea change
5. Why did Donald Trump continuously decorate the Christmas tree? Because people kept saying ‘moron’ to him
6. Why was the planned Ryanair TV documentary scrapped? They were unable to air a pilot
7. Which TV Christmas special is being filmed in Brussels this year? Deal or No Deal
8. Theresa May has asked Santa for a home makeover this year. First thing on the list was a new Cabinet
9. What did Bruce Forsyth say when the Christmas pheasant repeated on him? ‘Good game, good game’
10. Why did Jeremy Corbyn ask people not to eat sprouts on Christmas day? He wants to give peas a chance
11. Which supermarket did best in the Holy Land? Oh Lidl, crown of Bethlehem
12. Why did the Irishman put Khloe, Kim and Kourtney Kardashian in his living room at Xmas? He wanted an artificial tree
13. Where does Jeremy Corbyn hang his Christmas stocking? On the far left
14. Why are there only 11 days of Christmas this year? Because the Three French Hens got stuck at border control
15. Why was Theresa May asked to play the donkey in this year's Nativity? They needed someone who was a little horse
16. How do you ruin Stormzy's Christmas? Criticise his wrapping
17. What's Donald Trump's favourite flavour Quality Street? Covfefe Cream
18. What keeps Spain from buying Christmas socks that match? Matalan separatists
19. The Queen's Christmas message has been cancelled this year as there's no more Monarch
20. What's the difference between David Davis and Santa Claus? Santa always delivers
Wanna-be comedians and jovial jokesters were challenged to post their original festive gags on Twitter for the competition, which were then put to an anonymous public vote to reveal the winning jokes. First launched five years ago, the competition was created to brighten up the festive season after it was revealed that nearly three quarters of Brits thought that traditional cracker jokes were in need of a makeover.
The channel has become synonymous with classic festive comedy and has been officially renamed Christmas Gold in the run up to the big day. The annual joke competition celebrates the channel’s seasonal TV scheduling, which includes special episodes of Britain’s best loved comedies such as Only Fools and Horses, The Royle Family and Gavin & Stacey.
Joke entries were submitted to Gold via Twitter and shortlisted by a panel of judges (led by comedy critic Bruce Dessau), before being put to a public vote of 2,000 British adults. The top six jokes are included within bespoke boxes of Christmas Gold crackers, which were presented to this year’s winners.
