She comes across as one of the most confident women in showbiz, but Nicole Scherzinger admits that despite being ‘balls to the wall’ on camera, deep down she’s just like the rest of us. Speaking exclusively to British Cosmopolitan she states:
“I get past my shyness by making everything about others and not thinking about myself. That’s what I did on The X Factor – I can be goofy and playful when it’s about the acts. They are like my babies. But when I’m off stage I’m not as big and animated. People know they could have a pint with me, they know I work hard… but for me all my smiles and confidence are a triumph because it came from a broken place.”
In her most candid interview yet, she reveals the depths of the eating disorder that almost stole her twenties:
“[Opening up about bulimia] was hard for me to speak about. It still is hard, and thinking about it I try not to well up… It is such a horrible paralysing disease and it was such a dark time for me. That’s why I can empathise so much with people who have demons and voices in their heads, who aren’t nice to themselves. It robs you of living your life. But you can recover and you can get rid of it forever. I did it and that’s why it’s so important for me to share my story. I felt so alone... but I made myself so alone. You hide it from the world, you isolate yourself. But you can beat it – do not give up because you’re so special and you’re meant for such great things.”
“I didn’t think anyone knew in my group or in my family because I hid it that well, I was so ashamed. I knew it wasn’t normal or healthy because I was hurting myself through this cycle of disordered eating. It was my drug, my addiction. It’s an endless vicious cycle.”
It took her blacking out on the floor to realise she had to get help:
“I had started losing my voice, I couldn’t sing at shows, and then I remember my manager finding me passed out on the floor in Malta or in the south of France. I thought, ‘I’m going to lose everything I love if I don’t love myself.’ One day when you feel like you’ve reached the end, you just say, ‘I’m not doing this anymore.’ It’s sad to see how I wasted my life. I had such a great life on the outside, the Dolls were on top of the world but I was miserable on the inside. I’m never letting that happen again; you only get one life – I was 27 only once.”
Opening up about her relationship with Lewis Hamilton she admits it’s ‘crazy romantic’:
“Well it’s something crazy romantic. Relationships are hard and having to hold a long-distance relationship is even harder. It’s kudos to us for growing and trying – there’s so much love there. It’s just the distance, it’s not natural for anyone. But I’m good and I’m happy.”
But, she’d never cut back her own career plans for be with him more:
“No, absolutely not. This is my passion, I have so much more to give, and with him – whether we’re on or off – I wholeheartedly support him in everything he does. It’s good we have that love and respect for each other.”
The August British Cosmopolitan is on sale 3rd July.
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